I’ve Got You (2010)

Sometime earlier this year, I don’t remember exactly when, I began hearing a voice from inside that said, “I’ve got you.”

I’ve got you.

What a wonderful feeling it gave me, knowing that I was being held.  Knowing, that someone had me, and wouldn’t let me fall.

I don’t actually remember having a fear of falling; it was more a fear of getting lost (again).  The fear came from a deep well of loneliness, a loneliness I have known all my life.  And sometime earlier this year it had come back, and come back in such a way as to make me feel I was losing ground.

I’ve got you.

But now, here was this voice, over and over again it seemed, every time I needed to hear it.  I wouldn’t exactly say I was having mini panic attacks, but fear was definitely there.

For many months I had been reliving my fear of abandonment.  An age-old fear, and one that all of us have felt at one time or another until we are secure in our connection to Source or the Creator, or any one of the names we might call God.  But as my personal life was also filled with particularly harrowing events of abandonment at a young and vulnerable age, it has been difficult for me to ever feel safe.  To feel that I was being taken care of, and that I was not alone.

I’ve got you.

In my experience, healing takes time.  It may come in a flash, and it may be forgotten in a flash.  It may take many months, years even, for it to finally sink in that all is indeed well.  There is certainly a lot to the saying that we have to go through it and go through it until we grow through it.

I’ve got you.

But maybe this last healing I went through this year will be the last time I need to be reminded that I am not alone, and indeed never have been.  For just today, yes – this very day! I remembered I had a couple of drawings in one of my old sketchbooks from 1984.  Twenty-five years ago!

I was at Omega for a weekend workshop with Jean Houston called Shape Shifters.  It was a marvelous experience and the beginning of many new relationships.  And while I was there I made these drawings, no doubt prompted by something Jean Houston had been talking to us about, because the drawings didn’t come out of their own accord.  They were prompted.  But still, they came out!  I saw what I saw, felt what I felt, and these old drawings are the proof.  Even if they were only wishes, I made my wish.  I drew my wish!

I’ve got you.

These drawings might have been made 25 years ago, but it was only this year that I heard the words.  Could it be that I have moved, progressed, shifted, ascended – enough so that I was actually able to hear what I had once, so long ago, only imagined, or wished  was true?  I think it really is something like that.  That we can visualize and picture all we want.  And then, one day, the pictures start talking to us.  Or rather, we hear them talking. Because we have passed through enough of the heavy stuff, the shadows, the darkness, the chaos and noise of the world and our own chaotic thought patterns, for us to finally be able to listen.  To hear things like, I’ve got you.

—->  Sigh-an-arrow ~ Sire, an arrow ~ (Sigh) An arra / ear-a. Cry-me-a-reva. . .