Lately I’ve been picturing dualities with the app Pic Collage, showing the difference between outer and inner selves. Which is only natural since my second memoir (in progress) is about the time I first looked (deeply) within. My tool was a paint brush, which being a lefty, was held in my left-hand. Thus with the act of painting, no less than with the hand I used, I bypassed left-brain and right-side and went straight to my intuition. I say “I” did this, but I had no control over it. It was more a case of allowing “it” to show me what I really felt and saw.
So with these two shots I am showing a self-portrait on the left done in 1987 shortly after I had come through a big hurdle. (It felt like the ring of fire.) And unlike my earlier self-portraits, I don’t appear angry or fearful, but solid and strong.
Also determined! Because after coming through that hurdle, I had been given a brand new assignment: to tell the story of how I arrived at the hurdle and how I got through it.
I took the selfie on the right with my webcam in 2011, shortly after I published my first memoir, The Nancy Who Drew; The Memoir That Solved A Mystery. I was in the front room where it got all the afternoon light, and well, you can see how light I felt! So in a way these are “before” and “after” shots. But in this case, the before shot was certainly not something I wanted to put behind me as less-than, or a look that needed improvement in any way. Perish the thought! What I had been through showed in my face – and that’s good!
I like seeing these two different sides taken 23 years apart, as a reminder of the inner-self who brought forth the woman on the right who could take such a picture of joy and lightness.
I’m working through another big hurdle now, writing the sequel, which deals specifically with the situation I faced in ‘87. The first book ended with my return to New York from London after I gave up my acting career (along with a few other things besides). This second one is about the next ten years, the years I was a painter and what it all led to. Which was namely the year 1987…and realizing it was time to stop painting, and write what the paintings meant… It’s 350 pages so far, and with every revision the story becomes more clear…